i dont get called out to often on my hyperactivity, or bi=polar manic personality. when i do it makes me stop in my tracks. bus a neck move, and rethink. its part of the dissorder i guess. i know that some people would just rather i shut the fuck up.....it doesent bother me, bother me as much as you might think. i usually am in pretty good condition(i did not say controll), got the rains pulled tight. but there are some people in my life that i will let my gaurd down for. that number is down to pretty much null, and void! i cant blame it all on the dissorder, alot of it is just pure, unudalterated passion.... passion for the arts, passion for my achievments, passion for music, a passion to share. but i must realize, that there is really no-one that is on that level of "fuck yea" with me! so i blow it from time to time...missreading someone, letting it all hang out, and then getting caught with my mind out so to speak. the world i live in is full of people, yet completeley void, of everyone, all at the same time! this is why friends( i use that word loosley) that i write 20 songs a week, have 100's of note books filled with garbage, drawings, ramblins... i put it all in my work. i dont really care , but i do...fucking wet noodle shit i know. i will never ever meet someone who is able, or just wants to take the time, and the energy, to be around me too much. i am best takin in small doses, as a person/alien/demon/profit... again, back to my art.....my art/music/blogs/notebooks, are my equal(not that i am above anybody, on the contrary, i am quite the opposite......way below everybody)..i am speaking of equal, as to, thought capacity(the ability to think about 100 things at a time,do one thing and think of another..good or bad?..both i guess), verosity , maintaining tounge vs. mind.......

tenacidy even my blogs are long winded, and usually go nowhere, while im thinkin there is a story, or a lesson, or a poem......yea, there usually is not! its allright, its o.k.....ive learned to like it this way. like i have said before, i hold lengthy conversations with myself  in my head, somtimes, its so noisey....i have to plug my ears... i get sick of hearing "me" for shit sake! but in the end, its who i am, its who ill always be! and its why i deliver, its why im free......i try and just be me....but unto myself, that might not make sence...to you...but to me....its perfectly clear. i am the , hyperactive, manic kid.....that all teachers hated, all jocks wanted to kill, and all musicians, and artist types, talked shit about! there goes that wierd dude....yup...thats me! even while writting this shit , right now i am thinking of the shit i have to do, today, tomarow, next week.....and that this "blog" shit is really worthles, and shitty....but probably interesting to some point in the way that ive discribed...a look into the letters and werds of a lunatic..like watching a hanging, you dont really want to see that shit, but you watch anyway, cause, that shit is fucked up......or starring at a retarted person, or someone with a deformed face , hand, arm.....just human nature, to want to look at, shit thats fucked up! do i think peepl read this shit?...read is a loose werd too.....i think that a few do, but most skip through, and at the end say..( " man this dude is fucked up" so there is my pathetic, hope ya get it...try to explain, why i am a pain....a wart on the dick of society...a fart in the wind! ill just stick too my ramblins, and try and pretend..... i have things under controll......but i know....controll is a man made term of discribing, regularity....your in controll man, why wood u use that werd unless there was a chance, that everything could go to hell, and u could be ...out of controll??? i am only at the wheel.....turning left ..turning white...its why i dont take the drugs, that are suppose to supress the "out of controll" thoughts... cuase then, to me ..i wood b...invisable, i dont care if i am invisable to everyone else...but if i was invisable to myself.......i spoze...id be in controll.....auto pilot bullshit.... yes i am happy to be me.......there are just other peeple, that wood rather me be ....them! a world of them...what a great place....? no thanks..ill teeder on the edge, clenching butt cheecks..loosing friends, cause at the end of the day, i have to live with the person ive become,,,,,,, .....................................................me............................................................. ~g~