there was ...a time....when i thought of myself as...normal.

explain normal?....uuuuuu.....i cant now, but i had a good idea of what i thought was "normal" when i was young.

isnt it crazy how it works....normal is as it is, to that which it only relates.....break it down?..ok...

normal, in the (now im gonna use lables here, just for definition/example purposes...i dont like to label peeps at all)....punk rock crowed, could be a mohawk,,studded leather, cut off denem vest, ect.....(and its funny how i can use ect....to finish my sentance, and u will understand)....

normal, in the " office/wall street setting is briefcase, hair-cut over the ears...well shaven, suit-tie....ect...do u se where im going, thats what gets me.....normal.....hmmmmm.....in my crowed(i relly dont have one but if i did) ALL OF THE ABOVE...EVERYTHING, WOULD BE,,,,,,NORMAL....EXCEPPTED...why do peepl thrive on labeling, pointing out ..a hair cut,. or lack of one....i have been made fun of all thru my school years!

i was a loner to be sure...i had a few friends, but they were made fun of too....i was even made fun of, by the peeple whoo were made fun of.....whaaaaa?,,u wood think they wood understand, but shit rolls down hill....and i stood at the bottom of said hill!

why do i bring all of this up.....i dont know as usuall....but mabey to open one closed mind.....

in everyday life...i still feel the presure of the outstretched digit....in pointification........"look at that guy....hair down to his ass...all tattooed up....wearing black....a satan worshiper for sure!"

one time...(true story) i was standing in line, at some grocery store, and i noticed a little girl,behind me........holding on to her daddys shirt...i thought, how nice....and smiled at her....she turned her head into her dads shirt...again i thought ...how cute....she peeked out.....at me.....and i smilled again....and then...she tugged at her dads shirt, and her dad in a gruff voice, half yelling said"what....what do u want....stop that"....and the little girl said..."daddy, the bad man keeps smilling at me. pointing her finger at me....."her dad, looked up, and gave me the look.....the look of "there he is...the one that killed jesus!~.....

i was blown away....i am good with kids....and i dont mind there company, most of the time...its kids, that see thru the tattoos, and long hair...to somehow....notice, my heart, and that i am indeed....a good guy.....

i tell u this also, because of an incodent on chritsmas eve day.....drug store, i was waiting in line once again.....with some vitamans, and a couple cans of coffie.....

i noticed a little ol lady behind me......she had a few more items than me...and without even thinking...i said" excuse me, mam...would you like to go in front of me..."...she completeley ignored me, (except for a look of discust, and swithched lines, to the back of a longer one....W.T.F?????

i just wish somehow.....everyone could see, that peepl are peepl., and what they wear, how they look...is of no consiquence,,,as a matter of fact.....its awsome, to look ...well to dress and wear your hair the way u feel comfortable......to be yourself.....everyone has an image, in there heads, of what they THINK" everyone else should look like...well, not everyone,,i dont....and i know a very few others that dont...i was even dissed on a tour once for wearing a "tesla shirt"...."what the fuck are u wearing....dude take that off please..oh my god im gonna puke"!...a fuckin shirt for fuck sakes!

it pushes me away, from peepl.....it makes me be on the defencive.....i dont want to be....so i play tough guy, and make sure peeple notice my tattoos, leather, long hair!!!!!!!!!

i catch myself all the time, letting my gaurd down...and thats when it always happens.....judgment!

i like the fact that peepl find solace in believing in a "god"...i think its awsome.....but when they find out i dont belive,,,,i am evil.....whats that all about...

i got into a discussion with a family member over the holidays....he asked me if i was "saved"...i replyed" saved from what"....and he replyed" saved in the blood of jesus christ"//////hmmmm that whole sentance is kinda scary.....saved in the blood....sounds like a slayer song!

i told him NO...I AM NOT. and he asked if i was concerned about my eternal soul.....he told me some storys, from the bible(king james version)....which i already knew...and knew, he was leading up to a crashindo....he was goiun to save me........

i told him....if there is a god, and he turns peepl away at the gates,at the end, good peepl, peepl who helped others....didnt hurt anyone.....was a good hearted person....and turned them away from heven, just because they were intelegent enogh to question his exzistance.....then i probably didnt need to know that god anyway...he told me ..point blank.....that if i was not reborn, in the blood.....then yes, no matter how good of a person i was.....i was doomed to hell!...wow...

i guess im goin to hell......

i didnt mean to get all.....religious, but, this is the time of jesus' birth...no?

well anyway...happy birthday j.c.....and i feel sorry for such narrow minded peepl.....

im gonna keep being me!

and we should all do the same........i want to wear a suit...and i have a few,,,,,just to much to put on, and not comfortable to me....i want to wear a mohawk, and have,,,,but like my hair the way it is.......in reality.....i want to walk around like liberatchi....elton john......wear flambouyant clothes, and just be over the top.......?normal?......but , the peeps i do hang around with wood probably trip.....

my sperm dohner, was one of the most flamboyant peeps in the world, back in the day......and he was......country.....he woar, big dangly ear-rings, wieght lifter belts turned backwerds, with rine-stones, all over it.....and suits made out of rynstones.....big huge cowboy hats....with huge peacock feathers, and even flamenco feathers stickin out.....

the thing was, he was a tough guy(really, he was a pugalist, a street fighter((referance rocky iv-never fight a street fighter, to tommy gunn)), and if you said somthing to him(which no-one did to his face) he wood kick the shit outta u!

but the journalist's and critticks tore him appart, on paper........

we live in a fucked up world, but a world where u can if u want.....be yourself...its leagle.....u just have to put up with the judgmental fucks....

see, i am even doing it...judging peepl for judging peepl....aaaaa....the circle never ends......

i guess thats why i like the city so much....no mtter how hard u try......u r still.....invisable......and somtimes, thats a good thing!

didnt have alot of time today, to "blog"....but im layin down somthing i could and wood elaberate on....fo a long time....)

i think that was long enough.....

have a great weekend, if i dont talk atcha manyana......full plate, but i have dedicated a page, on my web-site, to blogging.....so i must, i must, or the keys shall rudt!

untill i bla bla bla again.......

~g~